This Journey Is My Own

by Sara Groves

It feels good to walk my own way for a change,
His way for me...
Completely liberating.

When I stand before the Lord, I’ll be standing alone
This journey is my own
Still I want man’s advice, and I need man’s approval
This journey is my own

Why would I want to live for man, and pay the highest price
What does it mean to gain a whole world, only to lose my life

So much of what I do is to make a good impression
This journey is my own
And so much of what I say is to make myself look better
But this journey is my own

And why would I want to live for man, and pay the highest price
And what does it mean to gain a whole world, only to lose my life

And I have never felt relief like I feel it right now
This journey is my own
Cuz trying to please the world, it was breaking me down
It was breaking me down

And now I live and I breathe for an audience of one
Now I live and I breathe for an audience of one
Now I live and I breathe for an audience of one
Cuz I know this journey is my own

And why would I want to live for man, and pay the highest price
And what does it mean to gain a whole world, only to lose my life
And you can live for someone else, and it will only bring you pain
I can’t even judge myself, only the Lord can say, ‘Well done.’

Oh, this journey is my own

On the road to beautiful

For my old friend Renee


A song for the weak,
a song for the broken
song for the poor,
for the angry,
the bitter and confused.

A song for the broken,
the hurting
a song for the cynic
for the addicted
a song for those who have lost all the words to all their songs

do you not know
have you not heard
your Father does not get weary of you

When the young man walks and faints
when the young girl loses her way
then our great God says rise up on the wings of an eagle
Rise, rise rise
He says rise, rise and fly...

Those who have tripped
feel hurt
left
burdened
confused
rise to your God

let the prodigal parts of your heart return
let the cynical parts of our hearts have peace again
and believe

That is the end to one of my favorite songs...
here is the rest of
On the Road to Beautiful by Charlie Hall

I crumble at Your kiss and grace
I'm a weakling in the dust
Teach me how to cling to You
With all my life and all my love

Father come to me, hold me up 'cause I can barely stand
My strength is gone and my breath is short, I can't reach out my hands
But my heart is set on a pilgrimage to heaven's own bright King
So in faltering or victory I will always sing

And on the road to beautiful
My seasons always change
But my life is spent on loving You
To know You in Your power and pain

Father come to me, hold me up 'cause I can barely stand
My strength is gone and my breath is short, I can't reach out my hands
But my heart is set on a pilgrimage to heaven's own bright King
So in faltering or victory I will always sing

You're my portion in this life
You're my strength now in my fight
And to You I pledge my heart
In the pain and in the dark I'll love You
I'll love You, I'll love You

I'll love You...

Happy Anniversary

Funny, these were taken right before we got married :) You can tell because we are kissing in most pictures ;)

This one is my favorite


This next one is cute but I was laughing and therefore having a hard time concentrating on the kiss :) It's a process that requires a bit of concentration if it is to be done correctly ;)

Someone recently said that we haven't changed a bit. Uh, well, I disagree :) For one thing my hair color has changed and I've had two kids... pretty sure that changes things.
But regardless of the changes, and we've had a few, here we are-together and celebrating.

To be or not to be...

enough.

Sometimes I worry
maybe I'm not brave enough.


"And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. ¹⁰ Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ’s sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong."
1 Corinthians 12:9-10

Perfectly Orchestrated

This may seem a bit hokey to some but it was extremely personal to me.

This Sunday I heard one of the most incredible sermons. I am blessed to sit under my pastor. It was the last in a series on grace. Every one has been beautiful and uncomfortable. However this one was unique in that for a few brief moments, our pastor became so overwhelmed by the grace of God that he couldn't finish reading the stanzas of a hymn. It was beautiful.

I felt like the Lord assured me I was right where I needed to be.

He very clearly spoke that I have been forgiven, sanctified and restored.

He clearly said that even the road ahead wouldn't be easy.

So while I left encouraged, not even moments through the church doors it began...
an onslaught of things that would test my heart.

Yesterday was hard. It ended with me feeling confused and irritated. But it ended with a friend praying over me as we agreed that this was difficult. Her prayer was that the Lord would tear down the walls. Then I had a sad dream... I hate those!

So I woke up and started to tell Clint about it. He was hugging me in the kitchen and said he was sorry. Then he said, "Look, there is a cardinal :), and he sung 'I'm here, I'm here" and we both smiled. I just sat there looking at the cardinal, thinking.

There are people who come into your life and give you gifts that you take with you always. Even through painful and heartbreaking circumstances, they can show you something that you will never forget, a gift.
One such person, a beautiful person, shared with Clint and I that she loves birds and keeps a bird house outside her kitchen window. Every time she will see one it's like the Lord singing to her, "I'm here, I'm here". She wrote on her blog about how the cardinal uses his red coat to protect his partner. That the brightness of the color attracts predators to him and away from her. She made the point that Christ uses His cross to shield us, if we are willing to respond. So every time we see a cardinal, we hear her sing that message, "I'm here, I'm here". Such a gift.

So I sat there, looking out my window this morning, overwhelmed at His message... "I'm here, I'm here" and heard a song that Clint had playing on Itunes.

The pathway is broken
And The signs are unclear
And I don't know the reason why You brought me here
But just because You love me the way that You do
I'm gonna walk through the valley
If You want me to

Chorus:
Cause I'm not who I was
When I took my first step
And I'm clinging to the promise You're not through with me yet
so if all of these trials bring me closer to you
Then I will walk through the fire
If You want me to

It may not be the way I would have chosen
When you lead me through a world that's not my home
But You never said it would be easy
You only said I'd never go alone

So when the whole world turns against me
And I'm all by myself
And I can't hear You answer my cries for help
I'll remember the suffering that Your love put You through
And I will walk through the darkness
If You want me to

Cuz when I cross over Jordan
Gonna sing, gonna shout,
Gonna look into Your eyes and see You never let me down
So take me on the pathway that leads me home to You
And I will walk though the valley
If You want me to

Yes, I will walk through the valley
If You want me to
(Ginny Owen's If you want me to)

I love Him so much my heart hurts.
Thank you sister for the gifts you gave me.

New Look ;)

Clint told me the other day that our blog needed a new look.

It kinda made me laugh.

So here is what I played around with today.

What do you think?

it's really pink but I kinda like it...

Forward Moving....

Forward thinking....

Well, I finally did it! I have been talking about going back to school to get my teaching license for about 4-5 months.

I graduated in 2005 with an intent to get my masters in psychology :) Funny how the Lord has other plans. I had a baby instead. Nothing like a child to redirect your entire life, they are the very best things that have ever happened to me.

So in order to give us added security and a little more income I am going to return to school and get my teaching license. The hope is to be able to teach in the same elementary school as they attend (dream job would be Providence Christian :)

I can't wait. I am excited and scared all at the same time. But I feel confident that this is the right next step for me.

Funny, sometimes when it feels like you're going back to where you started, in all actuality, you are farther along the road than ever.

Praises

Never Failing

His word never ceases to amaze me, comfort me... to melt my cynicism.

"O you afflicted one, tossed with tempest, and not comforted, behold, I will lay your stones with colorful gems, and lay your foundations with sapphires."
Isa. 54:11

"And your ancient ruins shall be rebuilt;
you shall raise up the foundations of many generations;
you shall be called the repairer of the breach,
the restorer of streets to dwell in."
Isa. 58:12


His words are water to my soul...

Still Standing

I feel like I should preface this for those of you that read this and don't know all that is happening in our lives right now.

About 6 months ago we entered into a different part of our journey as a couple, as individuals... as children of God.

It is real and painful and a legitimately difficult time. It is not the same as every one's story, in fact I only know a few people in our circle that have walked this same road. That has made it a bit more isolating and lonely... However, one thing that is not different is that we all have our own stories of painful circumstances at times. Circumstances that require more of us than we feel capable of giving.

That is all our story, at one time or another, if we are truly honest with ourselves. Jesus told us it would happen. "In this world you will have trouble..." John 16:33

I hope that as our family finds bravery through Him to do what seems... impossible, that you will be encouraged. That as we take up our cross, and as we struggle to "take heart" in Him you will be reminded that He has truly "overcome the world" and as Oswald says... 'He gives us overcoming life as we overcome' in Him.

Ignore those that might tell you it's draining to grieve difficult times. Granted, it seems to be more a part of some people's lives than others (mine :). But you never know what is down the road from a season of heartache... no matter how long the season. He is faithful.

"Walking, stumbling on these shadow feet
toward home, a land that I've never seen
I am changing, less and less asleep
made of different stuff than when I began
and i have sensed it all along
fast approaching is the day

when the world has fallen out from under me
I'll be found in you, still standing
when the sky rolls up and the mountains fall on their knees
when time and space are through
i'll be found in you
Still standing

Theres distractions buzzing in my head
saying in the shadows its easier to stay
but i've heard rumors of true reality
whispers of a well-lit way

You make all things new
you make all things new
You make all things...

Brooke Frasier's Shadowfeet

When Hope is Painful...

believe

" Tonight I forgot a line in the play that you and I
have been rehearsing since the day we met,
It made me put down my script, it made me look around a bit
And wonder how we came to play these roles

I'm here to re-write this tragedy
One line at a time
Hold on, I'm changing all the scenery
it's ok, we'll be fine
Cause we know how this ends

Sometimes it's hard to tell what to keep and what to kill
What of this makes us who we are
All that we love the most, all that we cannot let go
How much change can we survive?

I'm here to re-write this tragedy
One line at a time
Hold on, I'm changing all the scenery
it's ok we'll be fine
Cause we know how this ends
We know there's a better story


There's a better story
Of true love of true grace
There's the hope of glory
And our first chance to be truly brave
It's the place we're going
When we can't stay where we are"
Sarah Grove's Re-write This tragedy

"Lord I believe, but help my unbelief"
Mark 9:24

Summer of Craziness

My silly boys... never a dull moment.


My dad's car show. I'm pretty sure he won first place in his division, he always does :) He built a Shelby Cobra.

This one just makes me smile

Had to flash my claws today....

hahahaha!!

It felt kinda good! :)

Ok first let me say this girl is a fairly nice person... I suppose ;) But she messed with the wrong chica today!

you know how you can get irritated or annoyed with your child but everybody else better watch their tone? I know you know what I mean... :) And I'm not referring to when my child does something legitimately wrong, but when someone is just impatient or haphazard with my child.

No sir... or ma'am or whom ever.

So today I dropped Aslan off at the YMCA childcare (which he usually loves). And I was having one of those mommy moments when I was having a hard time walking out of the room. He has been mentioning that other kids were yelling at him.

Now Aslan is precious but I know he has his share of depravity wrapped up in that little heart of his. But he is a child... and not just any child but my child. And I know when he is being drama and then I know when his feelings are really hurt.

So, back to the Y childcare center. I was standing there scoping out the other kids... a little girl, a few little 3 year olds and a couple of big 6 -7 year old boys. I was standing there trying to discretely send telepathic messages to these bigger boys warning them not to touch my boy when a worker said something....

So I said well I was just watching him because he has been complaining about being yelled at by other kids.

So she looks at me, while sipping her little coke and says, "Ya, well, it happens." And then turned around and continued sipping her coke...

Now it took every ounce of self control not to snatch her ball headed.

That is my baby. My 3 year old baby. It is, in my opinion, her job to not only stand there and collect a paycheck, but watch- care for- guide- and protect all those children in that room.

So I went to the director and calmly (well, sort-of) asked if that was the attitude of all the staff in the child care center. She said no and promptly handled it.

She was sweet.

I really do love the Y and so does Aslan.

But I have to say, I have never felt so protective in my life as when I had my boys. When they are of age and can sock someone in the nose... then I feel I can back off :) But until then...

people better watch out. hahaha! But seriously...