If you're wondering....

why I keep posting song lyrics instead of my own words and pictures etc...

well, this is a time in my life where I don't all together trust my own words and emotions. It's a time when I hear songs that resonate deep in my soul and I'm thankful I'm not the only one who has thought certain things and felt the way I do... or have.

I'm thankful I am not alone in my thoughts and struggles. In a culture... or maybe just a church culture that doesn't necessarily cultivate a sense of safety in the difficult-
this is my seemingly small attempt to remain true.

So here is the latest song that I can't shake. If you aren't familiar with the work of Sara Groves I encourage you to check her out. But if you do, put on your seat belt because she is for real :)

I Saw What I Saw :
I saw what I saw and I can't forget it
I heard what I heard and I can't go back
I know what I know and I can't deny it

Something on the road, cut me to the soul

Your pain has changed me
your dream inspires
your face a memory
your hope a fire
your courage asks me what I'm afraid of
(what I am made of)
and what I know of love

we've done what we've done and we can't erase it
we are what we are and it's more than enough
we have what we have but it's no substitution

Something on the road, touched my very soul

I say what I say with no hesitation
I have what I have and I'm giving it up
I do what I do with deep conviction

Something on the road, changed my world

Walking on campus lends itself to reminiscing about when I was there before. When I was full of idealistic views of how my life would be and how my story would go. Those are the times when I thought my story would look a certain way and when I was absolutely certain the way it would not look.

Now I am different, changed. Things have happened and life is not always the way I thought it would or should be.

I have been thinking if I will be the one that sees my circumstances as 'half full or half empty'. The cliche question of pessimism or optimism. I have struggled because neither one seems entirely comfortable.

So maybe for me, it will be both. For me, I think it takes more courage to see things for what they are, as both having and lacking. To take courage when life isn't as black and white as I previously had hoped and believed.

It is taking more courage to be changed and not jaded.