A lot can happen....

in just four months :) I suppose the Lord has never really moved on my time tables... and even as I write that He makes me smile. Just when I think He has checked out on me He shows up in a big way. The past few months have felt like an accelerated process of painful refinement and redemption. I have learned so much about myself from Him. And maybe more importantly I have learned about who He is and what and who He is not. He is beautiful... the Only one worthy of my heart's song.

My Aunt Janet made a comment to me a while ago in response to something I said, she is so wise :) She said, "Rachel have you lost your song?" She could not have possibly known how deep that went. We were talking about singin in the car :) and the fact that I didn't sing anymore... not even in the shower. But I felt the Lord push that deep into my soul to a place that has been seemingly dead for sometime.

It is amazing how, without even knowing it you can give away your song to others, thinking it is for them or ask them to sing for you. Mostly I think that comes from a place of fatigue or pain... I wonder too if there are those who without even realizing it, come into your life and think they need to help you sing or even sing for you and before you or they know it-they have taken your voice. Sometimes I think those are the very people who have (seemingly) the best intentions.

Well, friends and family... I am finding my voice again, and it feels good. For the past few months it has been more mourning than singing, and that is ok. It is perfectly ok to cry out in pain-too many people try and tell us how to feel and grieve and find joy. I wish they would stop :) I am me and they are them... My journey looks different from theirs. So now, I have enough strength to say, "Stop paying so much d__m attention to what you think I should be doing and look at your own stuff! 'Cause you got some, I promise. Everybody does."

If this is a little too honest for you :) well, .... hmmm. Maybe this isn't the blog for you. But I hope it is.

"You number my wanderings;
Put my tears into Your bottle;
Are they not in Your book?
For You have delivered my soul from death.
Have You not kept my feet from falling,
That I may walk before God
In the land of the living?"
Psalm 56:8,13

I have wandered... "so prone to wander"... but He has kept my feet from falling into death

so-

"do not rejoice over me, my enemy:
When I fall, I will arise;
When I sit in darkness,
The Lord will be a light to me.

I will bear the indignation of the Lord,
because I have sinned against Him,
Until He pleads my case
And executes justice for me.

He will bring me forth to the light;
I will see His righteousness."
Micah 7:8-9

Praises for His faithfulness.